Could It Get Any Worse
by JSaysNo
Summary: This is my attempt to break through my writer's block for my other story. Beware, it's a Self Insert. Please Read & Review. Criticism is gracefully accepted most of the time. J
1. Look! I Can Fly!

A/N: Well…since I finally have some free time now to write it figures I would run into a brick wall in the shape of writer's block when I tried to figure out how to put the next part of Chronicles of the Meh into words. So the only decent (in my disturbed mind) ideas I could come up with were for either an Eva SI or a Halo SI. I chose the series I would disgrace the least. Hopefully, writing this will help me plow through the writer's block and keep going with my other story.

Disclaimer: I _still_ don't own Gainax! I'm gonna have to switch assassins. Send an email if you have any recommendations.

Caution: There WILL be profanities – You've been warned. Oh yeah, it's an SI too. Yeah, I'm sorry too.

Speech.

_Thought._

_**Thoughts of another.**_

-Phone/Similar-

Chapter 1: Look! I Can Fly!

"Goddammit! Fired! They fire me of all the fucking people there; and after that bastard hired his WIFE to work there. HIS FUCKING WIFE! Could it get any worse?"

In case you're wondering who the one screaming obscenities is, that's me. Now, I'm not usually like this but I just got laid off from a job I put up with a lot of shit from and a shit-for-brains manager with the IQ of a grape fruit. Anyway, back to the story.

"Guess I'll watch Evangelion again this weekend. Maybe that'll distract me 'til classes at Southeast next Monday."

After I got home I just showered and went to bed. The weekend went pretty much as I planned: watching Evangelion and trying not to go burn down my place of former employment.

When I got to Southeast I realized there was an hour until my Intro to Psych class so I tried to catch a few winks on the couch in the commons area. Surprisingly I didn't notice the guys that were watching me, waiting for the moment I fell asleep.

A short while later I opened my eyes to a strange sight. _Huh. The ceiling's moving, that's weird. Wait…the ceiling's moving? That's just stupid, why the hell would it be moving?_

That was when my brain fully woke up and I realized I was being carried by two familiar looking guys. _These are the assholes I used to outsmart all the time in high school. What the hell are they doing here, last I heard the damned racists were sent to jail for assaulting a black kid. I guess it doesn't help I testified at the trial. Damn, could it get any worse?_

"What the fuck are you two doing?" I demanded.

"Whadda ya think, we're getting rid of your rat ass as thanks for the time in jail," replied the leader, I think his name was Roy.

"Yeah, we're gonna get you good fucker," added…what the hell was his name…James, that's it.

That was when I realized it, they were gonna fucking kill me and I intended to prevent that at all costs. I started struggling but lost almost all hope when I noticed my legs and arms were all bound by rope and tied into some screwed up knot.

"Give it up; you're not gettin outta the rope," snickered Roy

I took a big breath in preparation to yell for help but Roy realized what I was about to do so he punched me as hard as he could in the jaw. Fuck, I think he broke my jaw.

"That'll teach you to keep your goddamn mouth shut not that it'll do ya much good now," laughed Roy.

After about a minute they stopped and showed me where I had been brought –the top of the hill where the stairs to the student parking lot are. They were gonna throw down the stairs; that was 100 fucking feet of stair dammit! I started fighting with everything I had to keep from being thrown to my imminent and obviously very painful and, in all likeliness, slow death.

"On the count of three James," ordered Roy.

"Okay, boss," replied James.

"1…" they began in unison.

"2…"

"3…"

"THROW!"

Okay, I'll admit it. I kinda screamed when they threw me but, hell, who wouldn't? I mean it was hard enough with the probably broken jaw but I was scared shitless and had just been thrown fifteen feet to the beginning of my imminent death. Shit. The first thing that happened when I hit the _first_ time was the seemingly horrifically loud sound of my neck breaking after I landed on it followed by the sudden inability to feel anything but my head. The second time I hit, about 10 feet farther down I got to see my left arm break in about three places before my head smashed into one of the concrete steps. After that everything was kind of blurry, you know, with the head trauma and all.

When I had finally reached the bottom I rolled a few meters before coming to rest against the bumper of some schmuck's car. I managed to stay conscious long enough to see how truly hard the stairs had fucked me. I had a broken neck, in two places no less, both arms and legs broken in several places, I'm not sure because of the paralyzation but I think I heard all of my ribs break and what was most likely my sternum cracking. I labored a breath and mentally cringed from the rattling sound it produced in my chest.

_That sure as hell isn't very good._

I didn't have to worry about that long though, I was quickly starting to lose consciousness and my vision was already blurred beyond all recognition. After a few seconds I left alone with only darkness to "see"; silent, damning silence. My thoughts wandered to my family and friends and began to do something I hadn't done in years and didn't plan on doing if at all possible. I began to cry. I cried and cried there in the darkness and no matter how much I tried to will myself to stop I wouldn't. I was never going to see my any of my loved ones again. I was never going to graduate from college and start life on my own. I would never find my one true love, marry her, and have kids. My life was over and there was nothing I could do about it.

_**Or is there?**_

_What? Who's there?!_

**_Your one chance at redemption, young one._**

_Redemption? For what? I've lived alright for 19 years haven't I?_

_**You've sinned quite a bit in your short life.**_

_I'll admit it, I've done wrong but it's been nowhere near what those two fascists have done!_

_**True, young one. That is why you're being given this chance at redemption. You've done enough good in your years here to at least net you another chance at life, albeit not here.**_

'_Not here.' What's that supposed to mean?_

_**Simple; you'll have another chance at life in a different world, an alternate reality if you will.**_

_So I'll never see the people I love again?_

_**I'm afraid not young one. However, you will have far more opportunities to change the world like you've always wanted in this new life I am offering to you.**_

_I don't know…_

_**You must make a decision quickly, young one. If your soul passes on it will be too late.**_

_Okay. Fine, do it! Take me to this second chance at life! I'm ready!_

_**Good. I wish you luck young one. Trust your instincts and follow your heart and you will prevail.**_

_Wait!_

_**Yes, young one?**_

_Who are you?_

_**Don't be stupid, you figured that out long ago; I'm God.**_

_Holy shit._

_**Indeed.**_

There was a blazingly bright flash of white light and then I had the largest headache ever imagined.

_**To Be Continued…**_

A/N: whew Did it in one sitting. And yes, I purposefully ended it on a cliffhanger. I'm looking at Chapter 2 being out in about…oh 5 days. I feel ood about this one.

Peace,

-J


	2. I Don’t Wanna Meet The Devil!

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter. Hopefully, writing this will help me plow through the writer's block and keep going with my other story. By the way, this isn't going to be a fan fiction where just about every sentence has cursing in it in case the first chapter gave you any misconceptions about this story. Sorry for the long wait but college is sucking right now. I must ay though, a band I like, Ra, helped it go but much easier and _much_ quicker.

Disclaimer: I _still_ don't own Gainax. Argh! I know! I'll use Japan's greatest weakness against them. God I hope Godzilla works on contract. Here's to hoping. crosses fingers

Caution: It's an SI. Yeah, I'm sorry too.

Speech.

_Thought._

_**Thoughts of another.**_

-Phone/Similar-

**Report/File/Etc.**

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Chapter 2: I Don't Wanna Meet The Devil!

_**Ah, the vessel of light has awoken. Maybe one of my brethren will succeed where I have failed.**_

I snapped my eyes open and immediately wished I hadn't.

"I swear to god I hate overhead lights." I mumbled to my self.

After the spots went away I eased my eyes open. I had heard a voice when regaining consciousness, what could it have been. It didn't sound like the one from before that was for sure.

I paused for a moment to take in my surroundings. I was lying in a plain white bed with an IV drip hooked into my right arm. There was a window to my left and the door out was directly in front of me with generic landscape prints to either side. I glanced to my right and saw what I assumed to be a door to a bathroom as well as a nook to hang clothes and a small bedside dresser.

_Hmmm. Generic hospital room. Figures. Now to figure out what this 'alternate reality' the big guy was talking about is like._

It was when I started to get out of bed that I realized there was something very different; I was a lot shorter and a lot skinnier than before. I pulled out the IV, not one of my better ideas because it stung like a mother, and padded over to the bathroom. I opened the door and turned on the light. When I turned to the mirror I was stunned by what I saw. I looked like I was 14 or 15 again! I was now back to being a 5'7" sack of 160 or so pounds. At least my hair was still black and, thank god, I was still a guy. I also noticed I didn't appear to be japanese, or even asian for that matter. _Weird… I guess I get to hold on to my identity as an American though. _ I was wondering what was with the bandages wrapped around my forehead though.

_I gotta remember to get all the details before agreeing to something like this from now on. I mean, good lord, what if I had been thrown back to the dark ages or gasp turned into a girl! It wouldn't be able to take it._

Realizing my new body was tired from the sudden activity I walked back over to the bed and that was when I saw _it_. _It_ was a giant, floating blue diamond that had to be a few hundred meters across and just as tall. It suddenly sunk in where I was and the possibilities of what could happen. I didn't have enough fingers and toes to even count the ways I could realistically die here. Then I remembered what it was God had told me: "**_…you will have far more opportunities to change the world like you've always wanted…"_**

Almost as if on cue the door to my room opened and in walked Dr. Ritsuko Akagi followed by another doctor who looked as if he had just been yelled at for doing something wrong.

"Ah, I see you're up and about. I would have been here sooner if _someone_ had done as told and notified me as soon as you woke up. I'm sorry, I almost forgot. I'm Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, pleased to meet you."

"Hello. I'm…"

That was when it first sunk in; she was speaking japanese. And I understood it! Before I could understand maybe five words in the language and here I was beginning to introduce my self _in_ japanese. Then I also realized that I very well couldn't give her my name from before, they'd probably have me committed…or worse if I started spouting off about Instrumentality and a future that might not even happen now that I'm here. Meh…I'll pretend to have amnesia.

"Actually…I can't seem to remember what my name is or where I am."

"Well that's normal for someone who has experienced severe head trauma. As a matter of fact I'm a bit surprised that you woke up this soon."

"How long was I out?"

"Oh, about three weeks. Then again, with what happened I'm surprised anyone held hope of you waking up at all." At this she seemed to react as if she had said something that she shouldn't have.

"What happened?"

"Uh…maybe I should let your guardian explain that to you." She clearly hoped that having just woken up I would be easily distracted. She was right.

"Guardian?"

"Yes, guardian. She'll be here tomorrow morning to find out if you're going to accept our offer again."

"What do you mean _again_?" _I wonder what Nerv tricked "me" into agreeing to before my little nap._

"We, and by "we" I mean the organization your guardian and I work for, Nerv.Nerv is a…you know what, here; read this and get a good night's sleep; Misato will be here about 10 tomorrow morning to find out your answer. Have a good night." And with that she handed me a massive folder and left the room.

_M-Misato! Dear god! I swear if I have to live with her I WILL go crazy._

It's not that I didn't like her character in the series it was just…well…I know I'd go crazy living around her. I mean, I could barely take the teasing from my sister and cousins in my old life. I'd either end up blushing till my head explodes or just jumping in front of a truck if the teasing Shinji got in the series was any indication.

_Meh. I'll go to sleep and let Misato know that I'll accept the offer in the morning. Just so I know what I can discuss I better read the 3-inch folder too. My head hurts already._

The next morning a nurse woke me up about eight to shower and change. At least the clothes she brought me were something I would wear: blue jeans and a sleeveless shirt under a dress shirt.

I finished reading the Nerv folder Dr. Akagi had given me after the light breakfast the nurse brought after my shower. It's was pretty weird to read about the past of the person I had become.

**Name: Joshua Shuujaku**

**Designation: Sixth Child**

**Birth date: 06 May, 2000**

**Blood Type: O+**

**Mother: Classified (Deceased) - Japanese**

**Father: Classified (Deceased) - American**

**Sibling(s)/Other Family: None/All Deceased**

**Mental Disposition: Stubborn yet readily willing to follow a superior's orders. In short: Nearly ideal soldier.**

**Additional Notes: Competent with a few martial arts styles due to training in the United States. Their apparent paranoia has made the Sixth Child the perfect embedded security that could be hoped for the pilots. It is also of potential import to know that has also been trained with various firearms of common U.S. and U.N. use. According to tests administered by U.S. the Sixth Child possesses an IQ comparable to that of the Second Child although he seems to lack the focus to come to his full potential. The Sixth Child also possesses exceptional problem-solving skills, perception and awareness.**

After finishing the folder I was amazed by how much and yet how little it told me even knowing what I did about the events to come. By now it was nearly ten and I was beginning to wonder if Misato would actually be on time.

Later the nurse knocked. I glanced at the clock and noticed it was 11 a.m.

_Must be Misato, she's late._

"There's a Miss Katsuragi here from Nerv to speak with you. Are you awake?"

"Okay, you can let her in." I replied as I sat in one of the two chairs I had pulled in front of the window.

"Hello Joshua," Misato greeted as she walked over to the chairs. "Do you mind if I sit?"

"No, please do Miss Katsuragi," I replied as I motioned to the empty chair to my right.

"Thanks, and Misato will do; 'Miss' makes me feel so old. So…did you read the folder Dr. Akagi gave you?"

"Yes I did. And I have to say it told me pretty much nothing."

At this she burst out laughing. "You'd be surprised how few people actually figure that out about the packet. I see the files on you still apply even after you've been smashed in the head."

She stopped laughing after she noticed my straight face and raised eyebrow. "Yea…Dr. Akagi said you would explain all of that to me."

"She did huh? Well, I'll explain it after we figure out if you'll be joining Nerv ok?"

"Sure. I've already decided that I want to help in any way possible. I mean, it isn't like I have any family or anything to go back to is it?"

"That's true. Well, since you've decided let's go to Nerv and I'll give you the official tour."

"I'm ready to go." I replied as I stood up and stared at the Fifth angel through the window.

Apparently Misato noticed and mistook my blank stare for fear. "Don't worry, Shinji and Rei are going to kill it as soon as he wakes up and is briefed."

Even though I already knew talking about it as if he were taking a nap I just had to ask. "Wakes up?"

"He's been unconscious since the angel's initial attack. It hit him square in the chest."

I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of the attack I saw from the series.

Ten minutes later I was released and we were walking towards Misato's infamous sports car. We got in and, predictably, she was the perfect driver she was known as from the series. That was the second time in my life I'd actually thought I _might_ die. We managed to reach Nerv in one piece in about 5 minutes when we had to drive all the way across town.

About a half hour of wandering Nerv later…

"Uh…Misato? Maybe we should, I don't know…get directions?"

"Nonsense. I know this place like the back of hand." Misato replied with a wave of her hand from her spot a few feet ahead of me.

_I'm gonna be here for the rest of my life if something doesn't happen soon._

Then the last person I ever expected to rescue me did, Rei Ayanami. Misato seemed overjoyed that she found something to draw attention from bad sense of direction.

"Hey Rei! What are you doing here?"

"The Commander asked me to retrieve you and the Sixth Child and escort you both to his office to prevent you getting lost again." Rei replied in her trademark voice.

Honestly it kind of annoyed me now that I was hearing it myself. Who is that emotionless, really?

Misato brought me back to earth telling Rei to lead us to the Commander's office.

It only took five minutes to get there but with every step I dreaded the meeting more and more. What if I didn't become a pilot? Actually that wouldn't be too bad but with this world it's best to know you can at least control your own fate.

After arriving Rei left and Misato knocked on the door to the Bastard King's office. The only answer we got was what I recognized as Fuyutsuki's voice telling Misato to send me in and wait for me in the cafeteria.

Taking a deep breath I pushed open the large, black doors to Gendo's office.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Well. What do I have to say for myself? I'm sorry for the long update? Not gonna cut it eh? Ok. I'm gonna try and have another out this time next week. Don't forget to review and have a good weekend, I know I will. THIS! IS! SPARTA!


End file.
